Thursday, April 05, 2007

I JUST READ ABOUT DOMINIQUE ON MOM SPACE!

She writes this:

Im 19 with my first son who is 8months old. I currently found out that I was having another baby and I dont really know what to do. I live with my mother but she is not helping me. She's kicking me out if I think about having this baby that I am carrying and I dont know what to do. Im trying to get out on my own but it is not easy I have a job but child care is becoming overwhelming and Im stressed. Im looking for help and I hope there is someone out there that can help me.Dominique does not have any contact info listed but Dominique, if you read this, you are taking the best first steps, letting other people know you need help. I don’t think your mom would kick you out. She is just upset that you are pregnant again."

Dominique,

If you want to keep the baby than you should. You don't want to regret something like this for the rest of your life if you want to keep the baby.

Your mom is just feeling overwhelmed too and she has every right to feel this way but you can help make her feel things will work out. You just have to believe you can take more control of your life.

I remember when I first got married to my husband in Australia in 1984, we had a secret wedding so I would not have to leave the country. We were planning to have the big "Church" wedding,
back home in the States but I got pregnant with my daughter, Lianda, who is now 20.

Coming from a strict Catholic family, I knew the news would not go over well since my parents did not know we were married in a civil service.

At the time I told my husband, "let’s just move the wedding in the States forward because my parents don't know we are married and don't have to know I am pregnant until after the church wedding." My husband thought he knew my dad well enough so, he called him from Australia (at half time of the Super Bowl...ultimate bad timing!!) and told him the news. Well, my dad flipped out!

My father was very upset and we ended up having the church wedding in Australia. It was beautiful but some of my siblings, my grandparents and best friends could not come all that way to Australia for the wedding. It was not the way I had always dreamed my wedding would be, but I realized later how much better it was to have my stepchildren who were 3 and 6 at the time, in the wedding. They would not be able to be if we had the wedding in America as well as some of my husband’s family who would not have been able to come to the States.

Now, my daughter, Lianda who was the "pregnancy" that caused all the problems, is now very close to my Dad, the same guy who did not want to be a part of my wedding because I was pregnant with her.

My father, who is really a great man, did end up coming to Australia for that wedding and he was sorry he reacted so strongly at the time. Parents hate when the lives they believed they raised their children to have, don't pan out the way they thought. Parents react the way your mom did and it is understandable because they spend so much of their lives raising you.

So, you need to get in control now. So, how do you do that?

First thing, make a promise to yourself that you will never have sex again without birth control or you are married to a father who will support the child. Having children does NOT make a man love you or stick around. If a man only likes or says he loves you because he wants sex, than you should lose the guy, fast! You need to believe you will be loved for who you are as a person. You are far too special to be used!!

It is great that you have a job. Do you have friends who can watch your children during the week and you can watch theirs during the weekends? Find out if there are church groups in your area that have childcare programs that you can participate. You sound like you have friends who can help you. Ask them to be a good friend while you are in need and you make sure you are there for them.

You need to do something special for your mom to help her believe that you will make things work out. Bring her home some flowers, tell her to relax one afternoon and you will clean the house. Even though you are tired, she will feel you are starting to handle things better.

You are 19 with an amazing life ahead of you. It will be more difficult with a couple babies but 50% of the moms in America are single moms so if they can make it, you can do it!

As soon as you start believing you can make things better for yourself, your babies and your mom, than you will start making it happen. Praying helps me get focused so perhaps you can start the day by praying for guidance and then tackle the day like it will be there for you.

Say right now that, “I’m going to take control of my life today” and take one day at a time to do it. Make the time to find the help you need even if you are too tired to do one more thing. Cry as much as you want if that makes you feel better and then get back to work to make your life what you want it to be! You are working on your future and at 19, you have more energy older moms.

This letter you wrote us is one of many ways when you start reaching out to other people. I am sure other moms have great advice to give you as well.

Be positive! Reassure you mother and start taking the driver’s seat of your own life. You can do it! You are beautiful and your baby is adorbale too! Love, Linda